Anniversaries of Loss Recently, we observed again the national anniversary of 9/11. On a national scale, these tragic events have divided the life of the nation into the time before and after these tragic events. Any time we feel a personal bereavement we have the same perspective. The calendar of our life is marked by the event of our loss; there is the time before and the time after our loss. The anniversaries of these losses may trigger a grief response. This response, can be thought of as an “anniversary reaction”, does not mean that you are not coping with your grief, it is simply a reflection of the depth of your feelings for the deceased.
Remember, grief is the normal and natural reaction to any loss. We do not feel our grief once and then set it aside. It is normal to revisit feelings of grief when you are reminded of who and what has been lost. Reminders of the deceased are inevitable. They can be any event that reminds you of a connection to the deceased. These triggers bring our loss into conscious focus.
Grief is not a clear linear process. The emotions that come on loss anniversaries are unpredictable, and these reactions may show up when least expected. This emotional “soup” may include: anger, anxiety, crying, depression, fatigue, or lack of energy, guilt, loneliness, pain, sadness, troubled sleep, and more.
Occasions such as a birthday and Christmas can be triggers for feeling “anniversary reactions.” There are no right or wrong answers as to what you should or should not do on these occasions. Some people find comfort in continuing familiar traditions. However, it is okay to change them if you want. Whatever you choose for this year can always be changed next year.
Once you have decided what you would like to do on the day, tell people what you might find helpful. Family or friends may be unsure about how to help when someone they love is grieving; encourage them to let you grieve in your own way and in your own time.
It is always important to take good care of yourself physically and emotionally. This is especially true when the anniversary of a significant loss is coming up in the near future. Follow the basics. Try to eat healthy food, get plenty of rest and listen to your emotions. Happiness and sadness can co-exist, so if you feel the need to cry that’s okay, if you want to laugh that’s okay too. IT is also okay if you choose to avoid certain people at these times, particularly those who are unable to provide support.
Anniversary reactions are normal. Knowing that you’re likely to experience anniversary reactions can help you understand them and even turn them into opportunities for healing. Another helpful step is to connect with those who are skilled in offering support. As a Grief Recovery Method Specialist, I can show you how to take steps that can heal your heart. David Brinker, Grief Reovery Method Specialist 717 814 9704
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