Grief: The 40+ Events That Can Be Triggers
Four years ago, Russell Friedman wrote an article discussing the more than 40 events that can trigger grief in our lives. While this was an excellent overview, much more needs to be said about this subject.
In 1967, Dr. Thomas Holmes and Dr. Richard Rahe, both psychiatrists, researched the medical records of 5000 patients to look at the correlation between their levels of emotional stress and their illnesses. They created the Social Readjustment Rating Scale, also known as the Holmes Rahe Stress Scale, which was used as a scoring mechanism, to rate the various stress indicators as part of their study. This list, commonly known as the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, is considered a definitive ranking system.
Defining Grief
At The Grief Recovery Institute, we have often stated that “stress” is another word for “grief.” We define grieve by saying that it’s the result of the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior. More simply stated, it is the normal and natural reaction to any change that occurs in life.
The value of a “ranking scale”
While it may be helpful in the therapeutic setting to use a numerical ranking scale in looking at stressors related to their impact on medical conditions, this serves no purpose when used in the context of those events that can result in grief. It’s also important to remember that each individual grieves at 100% for their particular loss. There is no need or value to rate one grief-generating event as being more impactful than another since the grief that each person feels is based on his or her own unique situation.
We have all been in situations where we have heard someone say, “you may think your situation is bad, but mine is even worse!” Comparing losses does nothing to help with recovery. To suggest to Griever A that his or her loss is less significant than that of Grievers B only creates more emotional pain for Griever A, in that they may feel the need to further internalize their feelings, since they have been told they are of lesser value. Our focus has always been that grievers are far better served in taking recovery actions, rather than in arguing over who is hurting the most!
Below you will find the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale for Adults. In keeping with what we have said above, we have purposefully not included any numerical rankings related to each event.
Death of a spouse
Divorce
Marital separation
Imprisonment
Death of a close family member
Personal injury or illness
Marriage
Dismissal from work
Marital reconciliation
Retirement
Change in health of family member
Pregnancy
Sexual difficulties
Gain a new family member
Business readjustment
Change in financial state
Death of a close friend
Change to different line of work
Change in frequency of arguments
Major mortgage
Foreclosure of mortgage or loan
Change in responsibilities at work
Child leaving home
Trouble with in-laws
Outstanding personal achievement
Spouse starts or stops work
Begin or end school
Change in living conditions
Revision of personal habits
Trouble with boss
Change in working hours or conditions
Change in residence
Change in schools
Change in recreation
Change in church activities
Change in social activities
Minor mortgage or loan
Change in sleeping habits
Change in number of family reunions
Change in eating habits
Vacation
Christmas
Minor violation of law
To this, we also feel that it is important to add: Loss of Trust, Loss of Approval, Loss of Safety, Loss of Faith and Loss of Control of my body
Please keep in mind that this list is far from complete in outlining the different issues that can relate to grief. In reality, this list is woefully inadequate, to say the least. It does not cover such events as sexual assault, domestic violence, runaway children or pet loss, to name but a very few grief causing events. Another major issue, that is not addressed, would anything associated with sexuality. By looking at specific situations with any number of grievers, this list could expand greatly.
The other problem with adapting such a list comes in that some of the items listed may be confusing when relating them to grief. Some events, such as marriage may bring to mind more memories of joy than pain. (In this case we need to remember that there is grief associated with changes from normal behavior patterns, of which there can be many in moving from “single” to “married.”) Likewise, this listing for “Christmas” might be better restated as “any holiday.”
The greatest value to this listing is in helping people understand that grief is not just about death. Stress and stressful events come in many packages, which is true for grief as well.
Taking Action to Deal With This
A very important point to remember is that it is one thing to realize that these are events that can bring stress and grief into your life, and quite another thing to take action. Most people carry around a great deal of grief that they hold inside. Unlike a broken arm or leg that is made obvious by a cast, a broken heart is far less easy to see. As with a broken limb, we take action to heal the wound…action is also needed to heal a broken heart; time alone doesn’t heal a wound, action within time is required.
The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale was first utilized in looking at the strong correlation between the stressors that impact people’s lives and their actual medical issues. People under stress are more prone to a variety of medical complications. Reducing your stress/grief can have a positive impact on your physical wellbeing.
Our focus, at the Grief Recovery Institute, is in moving beyond the emotional pain of loss. The Grief Recovery Method is a proven, step-by-step process for accomplishing this. It’s designed to help people deal not only with past and current issues regarding the stress of grief, but also to provide the tools to deal with future issues, as they develop.
Concluding Remarks
As was stated before, the value of these lists is in reminding everyone that that there are many life events that can bring with them elements of grief. The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale offers one of the very few expansive lists of things that can bring stress into people’s lives. In no way do we wish for our readers to see these as the only grief causing events. Given that each individual experiences grief based on their own unique relationships and circumstances, the list of grief causing events could easily number in the thousands or tens of thousands. The title of this article understates this very simply: “Grief: The 40+ Events That Can Be Triggers.”
Author Stephen Moeller. Republished from
Source: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/blog/2017/06/grief-40-events-can-be-triggers
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